Well, just wanted to post another thing I got from that facebook app.. Hehe..

"Don't make your waking life and responsibilities so important that you neglect the very real benefits of sleep, rest and dreaming. The night is your time of restoration. It is essential. God made both day and night for a reason."

Sleep... That's just what I've been lacking of for at least a couple of weeks.. until 2 days ago, when I passed up one of my major assignments. Although I have 2 more due next week, after passing up this assignment I felt more relaxed.. 

Anyway, just do your best and leave the rest to God! 

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall.

-Psalm 55:22-

Recently, I have been thinking and realised something.. I kinda understand how maybe some people are cutters. Weird thought, but let me tell you what I think.

Well, people who are cutters are those who are hurt, right? Hurt on the inside. I think their hearts have been hurt very badly. So very badly, and yet, they still think that they can reduce the pain inside. So, I think they are actually cutting themselves in hopes of reducing their pain. Thinking, maybe, by hurting themselves physically, it would reduce their emotional pain. Thinking that maybe their physical pain would override their inner ones. 

Excuse me, if I have written something wrong, as this is a sensitive issue, I know. But, I'm just writing what I felt. :) It's just what I suddenly came to understand. Now, just letting it out. Hee.

Sad post, but one can't be sad all the time.. We still need to smile and be strong. ;)

Finally, the last paper..and this is how I'm getting ready for it... Haha. This is also my first time doing this..so happy, finally get the seat I want! :D

5.15am - gained consciousness from my long sleep

5.40am - finally willing to get up and start reading something, while sleeping along the way

6.05am - called my roommate, who ignored me, up.. hehe

6.30am - got up to get ready to go to library

7.05am - leave the house for the LIBRARY

7.10am - reached level 10, and...wait for it...I'm the first one to be on level 10! Haha. So happy because I can finally choose to sit at the place I want.. the very last seat, which is shaded from the sunlight and hopefully has good lighting. Hee.

7.35am - finally, after unpacking and browsing through some things and typing this, I'm finally going to start work.. :P

Still not really satisfied that I woke up that late, but anyway, happy that I finally get to sit at the seat I want.. Haha. Today's my last chance for this semester to come to the library. I won't be coming again tomorrow.. Tomorrow need to wake up early! I can do it.. Go, go, go! ;)

Never knew this till now...

Never knew that I could hide my feelings so well

I was all boiled up somehow

These are things that I should never tell

One moment I'm mad

One moment I'm natural

You’ll never know where I’m at

Because it all felt so natural

Never knew I’m like this

A good actor one might say

If not for my friend, I would miss

My life, as I portray

Apparently, what goes on in my head

Sometimes doesn’t show in what I do

Don’t know when I’ll open up my gate

And release them all to you

Right now, I’m wrapped tight

Lips sealed, actions remained

I can show you that I’m alright

But that fact is, I might be in pain

Don’t worry about the word ‘pain’, though

Just a word used to make it rhyme :P

It may have explained my feelings, though

Not today, not this time

Don’t want to keep you any longer

Just sharing my feelings in a different way

I hope one day we’ll be fonder

And hope to write for you another day

 -------------------------------------------------------

I know this is not like an ordinary poem where everything is suppose to fit each other, or at least sounds right...but I was just thinking of writing how I felt in stanzas, while rhyming to make it fun (and maybe calm myself down? hee). Anyway, hope you enjoyed my not so long, not so short, out of the ordinary poem. Thinking about creating another blog to post all my creations... Hehe. Well, that'll probably something I'll do during winter break... Too busy right now..but things just kept coming up that kinda compelled me to update you guys...(whoever's reading) haha. Well, let me end this post once and for all, or else it's gonna be a long one AGAIN. :P

Let's start from the beginning of the day... I knew today would be a busy day because I had an assignment due, a finance test and a by-election to go to. The day before, I studied for the test till late at night when I finally had time to compile the assignment that was due today. After completing it, it was already way past 12am...but I continued studying anyway because I was scared that I wouldn't have enough time otherwise.

Today morning, I woke up instantly, but fell back to sleep right after. Haha. Anyway, woke up to do a little more reading and went back to sleep for a few more minutes.. Almost couldn't wake up after that. Hehe. Then, went for the first class unprepared...but somehow survived it anyway. Right after that, my mind was focused on the Finance test with some thoughts of the by-election that I was going to this evening. 

Somehow, I gathered my thoughts and used most of the 1 hour break to study my notes. Then, went to the class to finally take the test. I was the only one who hasn't taken the test among my housemates as their classes were earlier in the week. FINS1612 is one of the subjects I fear the most because there are many facts to be memorised... Anyway, I somehow made it through the tutorial as well.

After that, the effects of sleep deprivation began to kick in.. I was so tired that I didn't know what to do first. When I reached home, I wanted to sleep before doing anything else, but that's impossible for me. So, I did my daily routine after coming back from uni before I could finally lie on my bed. I wanted to fall asleep as soon as my head touches the pillow, but I just couldn't. In fact, I barely slept... Laid on my bed for about 2 hours anyway, trying to fall asleep. As soon as I woke up, it was time to start preparing on my speech. I know it was last minute, but I had no other choice. As I said earlier, this has been the worst day of the week for me, where it was expected to be the most hectic day. I did write down a draft for my speech, though. 

So, after going through my notes and thinking of a better way to express everything, it was already 5.55pm (The by-election was suppose to start at 6.30pm). I quickly grabbed my dinner and prepared to leave the house. I didn't know where the room was located. When I reached the roundhouse, I went in to have a look at the place and see if I could find any rooms. However, all I could see are signs of a concert-like event that was about to begin. I wanted to wait for Vivian before going in, or if she could not accompany me then, call Jen to ask for directions. Just as I was wandering around the entrance, Kaveiinaa, one of the publishers of MSO, I think, noticed that I was lost. Haha. So, she directed me to the Wurth Room... Then, I had to went in the room alone..and sat next to 2 girls of which one of them were also running for treasurer. 

Before I continue my story, let me tell you what's actually at the back of my mind before I went for the election. I feel like I am capable of taking up the role of a treasurer, but at the same time, I kept telling myself not to put too much hope on it. I don't want to fall so hard this time... Anyway, I persuaded my parents to allow me to run for this position despite the cons of heavy workload and high spendings. Well, we agreed that even if I ran for the position, it was not assured that I would get the position. So, I decided to run for the position and let God tell me if I was meant to hold that role or none at all...

Now that you know my story, let me continue... They started the election with the treasurer position and guess what? I was the first one to be asked to give my speech. Being the first one, especially first one of the day, I was so nervous that I stuttered during my whole speech, except for one moment when I realised that my speech was relaxed after I took a deep breath. During the Q&A session, I couldn't give a satisfactory answer to all the questions asked. After that, when I went out of the room and talked to another committee member and another candidate, I realised that my speech has returned to normal.. I was thinking just then, why couldn't I speak like that when I was giving my speech?

One way or another, the speech was over, and I somehow felt that I wouldn't get the post, but promised to myself that I would be a good sport and smile. :) Before we were called back to the room, I was talking to that other committee member, who is also the current Finance Director for MFest. After talking to him, it somehow felt like I was being recruited as one of his directors. Right then, I was well contented because if I didn't ran for this position, I wouldn't have gotten the chance to talk to him and get this opportunity to work with MFest again. I was already thanking God right then.. 

After that, when we went in to the room, they continued with the speeches of the other positions and announced the results of the first two positions presented. Even though I didn't get the role of a treasurer, I was contented with just being part of MFest if possible. Then, just as they were nominating people to be the webmaster, Jen asked me if I would like to run for it. Honestly, before she nominated me, after hearing what others have to say about the scope of responsibility, I was thinking at the back of my head that I could do most of the things that they wanted the webmaster to do. However, I had no intentions at all to run for webmaster. Nevertheless, after being put on the spot, I agreed to run for it anyway... What a spontaneous decision.

Well, besides me, nobody else would want to take on the role... I gave a short speech as I did not know what I could say, but this time, I answered the questions posed relatively well. This time, I am more relaxed and I didn't stutter as much as during my first speech. Funny thing is, I was the first and last speaker of the day. Haha. Anyway, in the end, I got the role of a webmaster..not the role that I wanted, but at least it's something and it is related to some things that I already have some knowledge of... It might have been because they have no other choice that they voted me..but contented either way. 

Failure is the avenue to success...

Although this is a small success, in comparison to the other role, I thank God for giving me this role and possibly a role in MFest as well. It is a success, nonetheless. At the end of the meeting, everyone was congratulating me. I didn't know what I could say besides just thanks.. Haha. 

All in all, I just wanna thank God for this day! :)

*I've been wanting to post a weblog like for some time now, but if I'm not mistaken, I didn't post all those weblogs that I have written because they were incomplete... Finally, I have... Failure is the avenue to success... Never be taken aback when you're faced with failure... ;)